130.6

    So I think the 4 pounds was a false alarm. I went to the bathroom last night (#2 ;), lol, and this morning I was back to a weight where I didnt feel like a failure.

   But man, I need some kind of a workout routine. I have a jump rope that I use for a little cardio. I just try to jump until I cant jump anymore. I have got a new job, and I love it, but it is so unpredictable. I never know when Im going to have a day off, and I work 11 hours a day! It's money that me and my hubby as a newly wed couple despreatly need, but it leaves no time for working out. I only get 1 day off a week.

  So, like thanks for commenting guy's. Make's weight-obbsessed girls like me feel a little less alone in the world...

Determined!

I've put on 5 pounds since getting married and my last post. Where has all my self control gone? I thought after getting married I would stop with this e.d stuff, but I guess not. I turn into a fat slob if I dont have Ana on my side. The pounds could also be because I went off my contraceptives. I hope they go away soon. But we all know that hoping doesnt get us anywhere, action does. So Im back and I'm here to stay. 5 pounds is nothing, I'll blast through them. Maybe its even water weight? It all crept up on me in like a week! Well if i can gain 5 pounds in a week, then I can lose them too!!!!

I am determined!!! >:)

and p.s i would upload some wedding pix, but im super scared of someone finding out who i am ...

nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!!!

A relief

   So I actually only put on a few ounces from last nights binge/purge. Im not even up a pound! Im still 129. I'm so releived. But Im still fasting. Still going to excercise. My new goal is to be the thinnest! So no more excuses. I have to be strict on myself, if I wanna look good in my wedding dress and pictures and stuff. I want my fiance to be proud of me. Not cringe and be ashamed of my chubbiness.

   Speaking of which. Do any of you feel so numb and emotionless the morning after a purge? My fiance was like cheer-up, blah blah blah. I wasnt sad. I was very happy at staying the same weight and all. I just felt (and still do) emotionless. Maybe it's loss of energy/ because I'm fasting? That must be it...

   Ah, well, i'll try my best to atleast act happy/normal. Love you guy's!

129.3 and ummmm

I was 129.3 pounds this morning! :)

Then me and fiance got into a huge fight, in which several family members got involved. But its all cool now.

I am binging on sandwich cookies right now as I type this.

Tonight I puke it all up as soon as the bathroon is free.

Tomarow I am doing a 48 hour water fast + jumping a lot of rope, because I bought a jump rope after reading that its great excercise. And other calorie burning activities. When I went to pick up my cousin from school today I felt kinda weak. I want to feel that way again sooo bad! Maybe I'll even fast longer than 48 hours, we shall see.

That is all. And thank you so much to the one and only comment that i got for my last post. Lovely Bones, I really appreciate it. Sometimes just a few words can be so helpful....

P.S = Fuck my life ,, cuz its been 30 minx and the bathroom iz still buzy and i take my fucking birth control at this time. This is the worst day ever. I cant wait to starve....:( *edit* I just got back from purging. I totally blocked their toilet. I had such a great weigh-in but this day sucked!! I hope the next 2 days in which i will be fasting will go by better ...:)

Pleasant surprises...

    So yesturday I had two fiber bar's after dinner, and I was freaking out that I might have gained. The wedding is less than 3 weeks away... (Unexpected stuff keeps postponing it, which is fine by me, because that means more time to drop more pounds!). 

    But, lo-and behold, I actually lost a few ounces. (Dont even ask how gassy I was through out thru-out the night and morning, omg)..lol. But now I'm fine, and very pleased with not maintaining but actually, but with seeing the lower numbers. I allowed myself a small breakfast after this.

    But man, why do I still feel soooooo fat??? Excersise. I need excersise.... I'm gunna go for a walk soon...or atleast do some yoga in my room...lol --anything to burn some calories around here.

    Thank you all so much for sticking with me, until I could see the 120's. I never thought I could even manage this, but this just go's to show that anything is possible, you just need the drive!!! I wish you all a skinny tuesday/wednesday for now, and please wish me the same in your lovely little hearts...

Ciao, for now.....xoxoxox

129.9!!!!

     Finally!!

Now let's see how much farther I can go. You can never be too rich or too skinny ;)

hey again...

   Last morning's weigh-in had me at 130.2 pounds. That's a whole pound loss! I havent seen this number since I was 13 years old! Im 20 btw. I think it was the swimming that helped.

    I have also just started on the birth-control pill "Levora". Have any of you guy's been on this same pill? Or have you any horrible weight gain stories from other birth control pills? I've read ton's on the web >.< It's been 3 day's only taking it so far, and so far so good. I'm so scared of gaining more than 4 pounds from it, that now I've gotten super strict on calulating my intakes and making sure I'm alway's active and not on my lazy ass all day. I dont want kid's for another 7 years or so, hehehe. I work so hard too keep myself thin, I dont want to ruin it all with a baby. Just not yet.

    I'm so close to the 120's I can allmost taste it! (no pun intended). I don't even remember the last time I was in the 120's. I honestly dont. That's how long it's been...

    Had a discussion with the fiance about why my eating disorder makes me so sad, and feel like I am the worst person in the world sometimes. I even told him how I'd lost 19-20 pounds since febuary (about the time we really began to get seriouse). I told him I had even brought a scale with me across the states in my suitcase. After bearing my soul, I cried.

    Afterall, at the end of the day, I cant help but to have the scale measure my happiness for the day.

    He was just like, that's 9 kg's lost. And I was like i guess. And then he went on to blame my parent's for my eating problem's. Which is so like men. To find the source of the problem and to fix it. Fix it right away. He told me, he'd promise to love me no matter what. Let's wait and watch.

    I tried to comment back on all of your blogs. The one's on my feed, and to those lovely gal's who commented on my last post...Sorry if I didnt. It's getting kinda late here, and I'll let you all know about the wedding as it get's nearer. Yes, there wil be pictures :) Thank You all for your wishes!!!!
<3