Day off...

Tis my day off, and im just takin it eaaaaassyyy. No workouts, no nothing. (And as less to eat as I can get away with..) That is the plan. It's 3.50ish in the afternoon here, and if I make it through 9pm without binging, I will be one happy girl (fingers crossed)...

There is pizza and indian food in the house though. :/ I picked up one of those garlic "naan" thingy's not an hour earlier, but then I thought of you guys, AND PUT IT DOWN!!!! :O

yes i did. :)

I am posting sort of loopy... maybe it's the lack of food.

Yup, Im trying out the age old trick of changing up my calories every few days or so , to keep my metabolism guessing. So basically, when I work and or workout, I eat more, but when Im at home doing nothing I eat close to nothing..(like today). I think this just might work.

But with me I find that, when I start to notice weight loss, I take it for granted and ALLWAYS screw it up. .. ah well, tis life..

@ Peri, (if your reading this, your comment cracked me up so much i allmost shot water on the keyboard!!!)... :DDD good times..

Later 4 now loveleys!!!

Lazy, but still losing...

Well, as usual I've been super buzy with work. I swear, I havent even had time to properly sleep, let alone blog. And omg, my arms and legs are so sore from working out. :DD


I am also now sitting at around 136-137 pounds :(. This means im losing, but it's soooo slow. It could possibly be a bit of muscle trying to grow? possibly? What do you guys think? Would you rather be some-what muscular and weigh a few extra pounds (because of the muscle, Or just "fattyy-skinny", as in you weigh less, cause your body composition is mostly of fat?


Or does any of what I just typed up there make any sense to you all? Forgive me, I is very tired..x_X


Can I just say that you all are so fabulouse? You are, because I said so...:)


Oh oh oh, and I just remembered an incident just now, that occured near the end of my last period. What had happened was, I had just come bak from work tired and bloated (worst combo), and my mum and me were just heading into to the grocery store to pick up a few things, when all of a sudden, she goes: "have you gotten fat? look at your stomach! Its hanging out!" (she also patted my belly in the grocery store parking lot--: /). My dad who was also there then go's: "dont pick on her, remember what happened last time?"


Oh and another "incedent". I was running ,running along on the treadmill minding my own bussiness, when my parents come into the living to watch t.v. After a while, I guess my stupid mother asks me how i weigh. I say 140, (more or less, thats how much it was a few weeks ago since I last blogged). She then yells: "140??!! how did you become 140? Your even exersicing more? .. And my dad (bless him..lol), say's :"thats fine, thats how much she shud keep it at." (mind you she's fatter then me, slightly at 124-125 ish pounds, and only 5'0")..


All the meanwhiles, both these incidents, just make me so angry. At first it hurt. But now I... I don't now how to put this feeling. I want revenge.(For a lot of stuff, weight is just one of the things..) Yes, thats what I want..


Revenge. Nothing taste's better, am i right?


Stay lovely everyone!, sorry for the long post..:)))

Pointless Morning update

Those twixes must have revved up my metalism or somethin?

Hahahahahahahaha.... 137.6 . How did that happen?

:DDDD

Past few days

Hmm, not in the mood for structured writing so Im just gonna make a list of all the good and bad things that happened to me these past few days.... ( er- Green = good and Red = bad )

Lets start with the bad, shall we?
1.) ummm, this morning before work idk what came over me, and binged on those fun size twixes. I hate addmitting this. My excuse was that it was still morning. (i friggin ate them with my allready planned out breakfast!!! WTF??? ) And that I'd have all day to burn it off....
2.) There's no more negative cal oods at our house. I was just looking around for lettuce and carrots or somethin... *le sigh
3.) Work sucks...
4.) Still 139.0 the point zero is in green, because atleast its not 139.9 !
5.) Not been getting enough zzzzz's
6.) Boyfreind went off to ohio........................................................... :'''(
must get skinnier b4 he get back, yes???!!!!

The Bueno:
1.) Im too lazy to make a proper ana bracelet, but i think i got something better. Because you see, I got this hair band scrunci type thing, (its the perfect shade of ana red), and it really is perfect because its a lot more helpful. How, you may ask? Well, today after my workout, my wrist had gone all veiny, and the "bracelet" had sort made an indentation into my skin. It hurt a little, but wow. It felt sort of symbolic, i dunn know. Maybe im just a tad kooko rite now..:P
2.) I love my boyfreind. He is my ultimate thinspo.
3.) I can see my hipbones a little more now.
4.) I feel so much more better about my self when im loosing, and restricting. Life is better thin..im telllin U!!!!!!
5.) I threw on my usual black "skinny-ish" pants without having to worry about if my thighs looked fat.
6.) Sister's so into studying and eating, she's begining to look a little pudgy.. (im tired of being the fat one, can u blame me???)
7.) Avoided loads of food at the hotel and at home, ( excluding the twixes...atleast they were funsize?)
139 going on 138... uuurgh im so FATTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

Wow, i have so many followers..Thanks for reading and commenting. It feels really nice when you take time out of your important lives to listen to my ramblings...gosh... <3

we only have one life. I dont want to live mine as a fatty.


No sirree bob.

Phew!

Omygosh, thank you all or your comments and support on my last post. I really appreciate it.

And the good news is: Im still 139!... :D...not bad.

And today, Im totally gonna avoid the cheesy garlic bread and fatass Nachos my mom is now making. :)

That's what happens when my mother gets her hands on some cheap 5 POUND block of cheese!!! Im seriouse, this thing is huge!!! I wanted to take a picure of it to show you guys, just how huge it is, but it' allready halfway gone..lol. Oh and the humungo bag of tortilla chips, thats as big a body bag... omfg

No. No junk for me today. (or ever, if i can help it).

Im not gonna waste this day off work worying and stressing like i did yesturday. No sirree bob.. :>

Again, thanks you guys.. and remember:

"There will be beauty from pain"

Who do i tell?

Who else can i tell.. *please excuse my language...>.<

when i break my own promise's and eat the damned pizza..(only the toppings..but still...shame ;(
when i start to eat more and more and more. Telling myself with each new thing i reach for, that "this is the last thing, this is the last thing"
when the last thing becomes more like, might as well f- it. (mia's voice...she likes to visit every two weeks or so, right when I start to make any really progress...bitch. Her and me... )
when i got bits of food logded in my throught and nose, from purging...disgusting.
when i drink gallon or two of water to ward off the light headedness and dehdration.
when aftewards i get on the treadmill for about 80.00 mins?
when i still dont think thats gud enough, and want to pretend this day never happened
when im glad i saved the laxies for days like this.

I can only tell you guys.

***Lesson learned: Dont become over confident, weight is lost thru EATING LESS. Not making excuses (!) ***

I know I'll be okay. But had to get that off my chest. And if you actually read all that..well give urself a pat a on the back...lol

gud nite everyone..and hopefully a much better tomarow... :)
 

She's going down..

...in weight that is. 139.2

:) slow and steady. Mom made the most fatty and disgustingly delicouse looking pizza.

This means nothing but fruit,veggies and hot water for the rest of the day. And lots of cardio.

"I want my hipbones to be as sharp as my mind."