new motto: "I wanna be so skinny, that I'm never compared to a fat person again..."

Catherine Mc'Neal, someone once said I looked a bit like her,, now she's my favorite model...:) (all these pix are of her...enjoy)

Stay Strong ladies, your stronger than you think are...!!!

Awards!!!!!

Oh peri,,*facedesk* :D Thanks for the advice, I'll be sure to pass it on to her...!

I also wanted to thank *Hazel*, over at Thinner than Yesturday, for giving me this award!!!! :

Can you believe I've just now figured out how add pictures like this? I am sloooowwww ....

Well the rules of this award, say that I have to:

1. Thank the person who loved you enough to bestow this gift- Done! :)

2. Share seven things about yourself.
3. Bestow this honor onto 10 newly discovered or followed bloggers– in no particular order– who are fantastic in some way.
4. Drop by and let your ten new friends know you admire them.
 
Here's 7 things about your's truly...:
 
1.) I am super insecure and possesive in relationships. And thats an understatement, just ask my boyfreind, i dont know how he puts up with me :D
 
2.) I was born in Canada, but raised in America, Im indian (from india), by ethnicity.
 
3.) I am 100% lacto-ovo vegetarian, since about 10h grade, (for religouse, moral and health reasons).
 
4.) I am going to be a novelist some day. Preferably one that rivals J.k Rowling and Stephanie Meyers'.
 
5.) I have yet to get into any type of vehicle collision, (i've had my drivers licence for 3 years now).
 
6.) I used to weigh about 187 pounds at the age of 13, with a height of 5'3". SMH...
 
and last but not least numero 7 : I plan on leaving my family in August, to marry the man I love, while leaving only a note behind. They are super strict Indian parents and would never want me in a "love marraige", especailly with a guy of a different religion. I dont hate my family but i do think that they are painfully controlling and that led to a lot of my horrible spells of bulimia and binge eating and depression. And they'll come around someday... I reassure myself that i have control this way, and that i can live as an adult (im legally an adult after all!). I'm chasing my dreams, because at the end of the day, aren't they what keep us truly live?
 
And now, 10 newly discovered or followed blogs that I think are awesomsauce, (in no particular order):
 
1.) Hazel (not really a newly discoverd blog, but rules are made to be broken). You are even stronger than me and a lot of people I know...
2.) Zette
3.) Vagabond at "The Monsters are back from the Night" they said. Then it rained sea water from my eyes.
4.) Battle in mind
5.) Lillie Flower
6.) Chubbie Cupcake
7.) A
8.) Peace Love Skinny
9.) Starving myself pretty
10.) The hungry Caterpilla
 
You guys rock!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 

I think this here is called a platau...

Platauing and a bit frustrated.

Thanks "battleinmind", for your lovely comment...I hope too, that someday that we will all have enough confidence to stop comparing our selves to others so much ..

This is day 2 of not binging. Had a great 30 minute jog yesturday in the evening, along with the fast. (I didnt feel at all like jogging without having eaten, but it felt great!).

Life is good here in seattle, the sun is out. I wish I had a workout buddy or something, it gets kind of lonely counting calories on my own.

A freind of mine asked how i lost weight, she's just had a baby. And I told her how to count calories, etc...It felt good though. That someone was asking me for advice. Like maybe, I am doing something right. Im really not trying to become underweight or unhelathy. On the contrary, I like to think of my self as a healthy living advocate, and Im vegetarian too! lol, have been for about 5 years now...

And this post is all over the place right now, just rambly rambled ....

Stay Strong Chica's and Chico's!!! :D

Jealousy

As of late, I've been more jealouse then usual. Of girls who happen to be thinner and/or prettier than me. Tell me why, I just feel so angry when I see them? No, not angry. More like frustration. So much frustration, I'm letting it get to me, grrr... Yestuday I b/ped (tottally not planned, cause I'd been doing so well, I thought one binge woud be ok. But then I woke up the next morning, I hadnt gained a pound, but there was no decent food in the house. 

So we went food shopping. Saw, an eviously skinny chick with the most gorgouse chocolaty brown hair , (im not lesbian, but she was really pretty). And then immediatly started comparing her to me. She was the same height as me, but a good 25 pounds or so lighter..grrr lol...

And then, and I dont why i do this either, but I start to wonder if their so many girls better looking than me out there, my boyfreind might regret marrying me this coming august...Im scared you guys.

The pressure is too much.

After food shopping, I b/ped again. But didnt manage to purge up as much last nights, that happens. I dont care, I plan on fasting tomorow and working this frustraion off. Im also going to post, everyday, to allow me to keep track of how many days i'v gone without binging! So tomarow will be day one, and so on.

To end on a good note, my boyfreind did happen to tell me once that: "whether you believe it or not. There’s billion’s of pretty girls out there. But I only want you...."

And that is why I'm lucky.

But still, this is for my self!!! This is for skinny jeans, bikini's and bones, For enviouse glances, twords meeeeeeeee!!!!...Stay strong people!!!! <3

Im loooosssiinggg!!!

It's nothing short of a miracle to me anyway...

What one of the bloggers wrote recently really got to me She wrote "Their is no such thing as big boned, thats just an excuse". I think before I was using this excuse a lot and, using my saddness as an excuse to eat. A lot of people do that. What we have to remember is that, and this is crucial:

EATING MAKES YOU FEEL WORSE!!!

And since the beggining of febuary, i have lost 9 pounds already, and I'm on a roll...
Bone's, skinny jeans and bikini's here I come!!!
We can do this!!!
ttyl...

Never Enough

Never smart enough,
never good enough,
never pretty enough,
never lovable enough,
never bones enough,

to have kept you.....

Hey everyone!

Guess who's back? Bwahahahaha...its me....Razzo Spazzo ...aka Raz...

So why have I been gone so long when I had said i'd be back for good?
Because thats what I tend to do. Leave things half finished.

But I am NOT going to live the rest of my life fat. Im not going to settle for a blog, that I left behind, like a forgotten dream. This dream of thin.

The weight that I had gained over the summer (because of my break-down regarding a certain job loss), Im slowly losing, (im already back down on the path of skinny again.) With a totally better job.

Because I dont want to be the fat one anymore. (I HAVE NO REGRETS, I KNOW IM A FATTASS< BUT ISNT THAT WHY WE ARE ALL HERE TO CHANGE? SUPPORT ME AND I'LL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU GUYS.) :)

Weight Goals! (From Feb-July)



Starting weight:150


Currently: 146 ew ew ew i know :'(


Weight lost so far: 4 pounds


Need to lose (in total): 23 pounds! 


More pounds to go: 19

 1st: 145
2nd: 141
3rd: 137
4rth:133
5th: 129
6th: 125


Ending Weight
***Keep your weight at 125-129  …*** (i mite go lower, we'll c, i've never been in 120's since 5th grade or so. And im big boned so the weight loss does tend to make me look too gaunt/ freaks my parents out, seriously not making this up, i'll post a pic of my clavicles sometime, there huge!...)




So what has happened today? Ummm...too many cheese puffs. Other than that, i really cant remember the last i've binged and im really happy about that! I have a strong urge to purge, but i drank a butt load of water to get rid of that feeling. Have you guys ever noticed that initially drinkng a lot of warm water to the point of feeling full makes you feel super fat because it enlarges your belly?. But after its all gone (ie peed away), you feel even hungrier than before. Well before that happens im going to hit the bed.

You see, this times going to be different. This time I know my body more, understand it, and what I need to lose weight. And this blog is one of them, so thanks guys! Before and After pix will come after i've acheived these goals. This is it you guys. It's now or never.

P.S Oh, yeah did I mention im getting married in october? because the boy purposed :)...gotta getta skinny, gotta get skinny. Im going to be the most beautifull bride anyone's ever seen...hehehe...