Tuesday, February 9, 2010


Im trying to make him stop having feelings for me. I think it's working. (Yay?) :/. Thanks for making me feel better about my desicion..you guys are the best.:)

Day 6 or so of not purging. My weights gone down, (i wiegh every morning, cant really stick to the once in a week thing..lol). No desire at all to purge. Feels amazing. And if I do binge, I'll just think its a good thing, might help the metabolizm...:) ,better than start the horrific, b/p, b/p, b/p cyle. And remind myself that I will be hungry again, soon enough, and weight losing can and will commence, so as to not have a mind freak out over it.

I read a lot of your blogs, i love them, and I follow a lot of them too, (thats why i have so many followers, 123? :O?!?!?!?! waaaaaaah??? heheheh, thank you guys.

I think I actually might do this. Lose wieght quickly, I mean. Becuase, I'm planning to get an emo style haircut, with red highlights, and I dont wanna look like a fool..lol... (p.s im not really an emo), for my birthday in May... oooh i cant wait!!!! (Picture of i'll look like, on the side).

My drug test for the new job is today, ofcourse Im not worried, im not into that stuff..:)

Im finding myself wary of emotions lately. I want to detach myself, emotionally from people. Maybe become a little more selfish. Have fun in life.
We only live once.
Be fabulouse
Be sexy
Be thinspiraional! :DDD...

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Feb 2nd

Febuary 2nd was my weigh-in day. It was also my boyfreinds birthday,and the day that I got a called for a job interview.

Weigh-in= gained .6 ounces...:(
Job interview= sucessful, I'm starting sometime this week! :D
Boyfreind= ?, because i told him i want to be just freinds now. I told him Happy Birthday, oh by the way, lets be buddies from now on, i still love you as a freind.

Because you see the thing is, we have 2 situations here.
1.) We are of two competely different religions, and my parents would never approve of us dating (or marriage, he's even thought that far, and this scared me!) and..
2.) I am too fat.

This is why I havent been posting. I dont know what to. I feel like a jerk face for having led him on, but at the same time why did we keep loving each other, when we knew we couldnt be together in the end?

I could cry, but I dont know what for. I told him the truth. He just doesnt get it. The world is a cruel place, that wont let us be together. Food is an evil thing, and it's always on my mind, (how to avoid it, get thinner thinner, etc..)

He just doesnt get it.
Whats so wrong with bieng just freinds?
Nothing, thats what...urrgghh, fuck him.. im gonna take some more laxatives, exercise, be hot and get rich from my new job, and he can just decide, it's freindship or nothing, because the only thing i love is me ="thin".

Peace out...