Thursday, February 4, 2010

Feb 2nd

Febuary 2nd was my weigh-in day. It was also my boyfreinds birthday,and the day that I got a called for a job interview.

Weigh-in= gained .6 ounces...:(
Job interview= sucessful, I'm starting sometime this week! :D
Boyfreind= ?, because i told him i want to be just freinds now. I told him Happy Birthday, oh by the way, lets be buddies from now on, i still love you as a freind.

Because you see the thing is, we have 2 situations here.
1.) We are of two competely different religions, and my parents would never approve of us dating (or marriage, he's even thought that far, and this scared me!) and..
2.) I am too fat.

This is why I havent been posting. I dont know what to. I feel like a jerk face for having led him on, but at the same time why did we keep loving each other, when we knew we couldnt be together in the end?

I could cry, but I dont know what for. I told him the truth. He just doesnt get it. The world is a cruel place, that wont let us be together. Food is an evil thing, and it's always on my mind, (how to avoid it, get thinner thinner, etc..)

He just doesnt get it.
Whats so wrong with bieng just freinds?
Nothing, thats what...urrgghh, fuck him.. im gonna take some more laxatives, exercise, be hot and get rich from my new job, and he can just decide, it's freindship or nothing, because the only thing i love is me ="thin".

Peace out...


  1. Congratulations on your job, though I feel sorry for you that you broke up with your boyfriend; nevertheless I know exactly what you mean and how you feel and I would have done the same thing in your position!

    As for the weight issue; everyone will have a bad day/week/month whatever. You can do this!

    Stay strong,


    A.Stone x

  2. I agree, well done on getting the job :) as for the boyfriend, if you could never be together, and thats the way you wanted things to go, good on you for doing it.
    food, or the lack of it, is always on my mind too, it never fucking goes away.
    I hope your okay, x.

  3. Congrats on new job! That's something to be excited about.

    With the bf situation, he probably really loved you, especially if he had been thinking of marriage, which is probably why he doesn't get it that you want to be just friends. But yeah, different religions and your family not being accepting of it would be really difficult. I have a friend who's husband's family disowned him for marrying her, since she is catholic and he is muslim. So hard. I would have done the same if I were you. My family comes first.

    Stay strong! xo

  4. congrats on the new job! that is so freaking awesome that you were able to get a job with how crappy the econimy is(my cousin has been job hunting for months lol).
    on the bf thing...well im a hopeless romantic and love romeo and juliet-esc type of situation. also i have no family except my son to speak of so i would never be put in such a tough situation. i think you did what was best for you at the is difficult enough without having bf and family problems thrown into the mix.
    stay strong

  5. thanks for the comment and good luck on your list! =)