Sunday, March 28, 2010


Omygosh, thank you all or your comments and support on my last post. I really appreciate it.

And the good news is: Im still 139!... :D...not bad.

And today, Im totally gonna avoid the cheesy garlic bread and fatass Nachos my mom is now making. :)

That's what happens when my mother gets her hands on some cheap 5 POUND block of cheese!!! Im seriouse, this thing is huge!!! I wanted to take a picure of it to show you guys, just how huge it is, but it' allready halfway Oh and the humungo bag of tortilla chips, thats as big a body bag... omfg

No. No junk for me today. (or ever, if i can help it).

Im not gonna waste this day off work worying and stressing like i did yesturday. No sirree bob.. :>

Again, thanks you guys.. and remember:

"There will be beauty from pain"

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Who do i tell?

Who else can i tell.. *please excuse my language...>.<

when i break my own promise's and eat the damned pizza..(only the toppings..but still...shame ;(
when i start to eat more and more and more. Telling myself with each new thing i reach for, that "this is the last thing, this is the last thing"
when the last thing becomes more like, might as well f- it. (mia's voice...she likes to visit every two weeks or so, right when I start to make any really progress...bitch. Her and me... )
when i got bits of food logded in my throught and nose, from purging...disgusting.
when i drink gallon or two of water to ward off the light headedness and dehdration.
when aftewards i get on the treadmill for about 80.00 mins?
when i still dont think thats gud enough, and want to pretend this day never happened
when im glad i saved the laxies for days like this.

I can only tell you guys.

***Lesson learned: Dont become over confident, weight is lost thru EATING LESS. Not making excuses (!) ***

I know I'll be okay. But had to get that off my chest. And if you actually read all that..well give urself a pat a on the

gud nite everyone..and hopefully a much better tomarow... :)

She's going down.. weight that is. 139.2

:) slow and steady. Mom made the most fatty and disgustingly delicouse looking pizza.

This means nothing but fruit,veggies and hot water for the rest of the day. And lots of cardio.

"I want my hipbones to be as sharp as my mind."

Friday, March 26, 2010

ewww bloat is the worst...

I am sooo bloated, its gross. I feel groggy. Eating tho, has been going really well. Last night when I weighed myself I was still 142.0, (I know ew grosss right??). But usually I can lose like 2.5 pounds or so over night, so I was hoping to finally see 139.8 or something, and I didnt, but thats okay, i guess.

I did everything according to plan, I didnt eat anything, after coming ack from work, and I even walked an extra 100 cals off. So I'm not too worried.

I think my problem is that, at the beggining of this blog even, all the wieght that I suddenly lost was mostly water weight. And now, is where my body fights back, and every pound isbeing so stubborn. Im at my body's set point...

Gosh, will I ever be thin? I wanna go back to when I once was--(allmost good enough).

Think thin ladies and gentle men ;)...

Thursday, March 25, 2010

This is normal right?

Im too lazy to summarize the past two weeks or so, but all Im gonna say is that I tried my best and actually lost a pound! :P Buuut, now its that of month again, and I f-ing gained t back!!!

Im panicking.... This is supposed to happen right? It's just water weight :( ?

Thats it, no more dinner for me..

Not counting calories helped me lose that stuborn pound And going to sleep, instead of eating dinner..

Oh, yeah and me and the boy are back on... lol,, after all that.. i suck.

But seriously what other thinspiration could I possibly need, then skinny ass boyfreind, who could dump me a second for other prettier, (thinner) girls? :(....

Oh and welcome back spring... gotta get rid of this fat first

I am fat fat fat... No not normal..Fat Fat Fat..

le sigh***

you lovely's have a nice day ...!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

GOoooo Morning!!!

Good morning, to everyone in the bloggy type world, (well its morning here anyway, ridiculously early btw, omg I've just discovered i am a morning person! I think its because, I love the feeling of being the only one awake in the whole house). No matter how tired I was the previouse night, I cannot give up these few hours hours of lonely darkness, where I plan for the perfect day... These plans include:
Weighing my self, literally planning out and writing down my intake, deciding over jogging outside or treadmill, reading your blogs before i leave for work!

Plan for today:
1.) Eat what you've written down! (nothing more, nothing less, you fat pig!!!, you can do this much at least CANT YOU??????!!!!! GRRRR!
2.) work out. as hard as you can for atleast 90 min. No excuses.
3.) dont forget vitamins
4.) hit the sack early and stay there, so as to avoid night time eating and morning weight gain ...:( (my down fall as of late)
5.) there's no such thing as purging, there's no such thing as purging  there's no such thing as purging...
6.)  Stay Happy happy positive positve :)

Hope you all have a beautifull day, afternoon or morning...:)
Dont give up...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A come back post! :D

Jeez, i've been off this thing for awhile! Well, not really, i've been reading all your blogs religously, just not posting my own stuff, becuase man have I been buuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzyyy!

First of all, your's truly is no longer unemployed!!! Whoo hooo! I found work at a really nice hotel, as their front desk agent. Yes, 8 hours a day I stand there and take reservations.. (party-- not).

Well it's all actually been okay, but my weight is not budging. Like at all. Noow I'm starting to wonder if it'll EVER???!!!

The reason behind this post was to try and talk to people who know Im talking about. We binge, we purge, we starve and do all sorts of crazy things, all for one purpose. To achieve what we all imagine is perfection for ourselves. You guys know what I'm talking about, and so I'm sure that you guys understand how even how sometomes you try SO HARD, its never good enough?

I've stayed an even 141, through all of this bull shit. (My hectic work schedule,super duper strict- old fashioned parents, breaking and making up breaking making up w/ bf, binging purging starving and EVERY LITTLE THING ELSE...)

I've had it. I'll just have to maybe put some things on the back burner. Because I dont think I'll ever be truly happy unless im thin.

Finally a new post, finally a new me.
No regrets, no looking back, tomarow is a new ready to fight fight fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay,,bye 4 now...;)