Thursday, July 21, 2011

I screwed up...

But I will not repeat my mistake.

This has only made me MORE determined than before...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

133.4 Plateau busted...

   I've blasted through that plateau. It took an hours worth of excercise after dinner, and all your lovely comments to get past it. And I did....When I told my fiance, I woke up late because I was exhausted from my workout, he told me not to workout, and that I'm weak. Exactly. I'm weak. But not in the way he thinks. I want to be stronger. Thru control.

   So, i've also just realized, that I'm at 133.4 pounds, I am 2 pounds aways from my lowest weight. Dont get me wrong, I am extremly happy. Even my dad has noticed the weight loss. I have now lost 18 pounds, since February. Slowly, but steadily. About 6 pounds, until I'll feel anywhere close to "bride-worthy".

   One thing I've learned, through-out my struggles as a binge-eater, then binge/purger, is that no amount of whining or crying will get you anywhere. I cried a lot. I could have swallowed that whole bottle of pills that one day, when I had given up on myself. I could have. I struggled a lot since then. Always fighting with myself. Fighting with my family, with the fiance (believe me, these fights were epic). Until, I read somewhere that in order to really permanantly change anything about us. In order to get thinner, We must love ourselves as we are now, or how will we ever love ourselves, when we are thinner?

   I can now say, that I stopped reaching for those pills. I stopped fighting with everyone including myself. Instead, I decided to love that clinically over weight 151 pound girl that february month. If I hadn't, I dont think I would have able to see 133.4 and normal on the scale this morning.

But even though I may love myself. I think I'll love myself a lot more, when I'm good enough. By that I mean "thin-enough, bony enough, etc".

Take Care ladies, Lotx of luuuuuuuuuuurrrrvvvvvveeeeee (love). <3

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Battle Plan: 134.6

   The reason I post my weight with my title, is because I think it kind of help's keep me on track. Seeing that number, reminds me that's I'm still not good enough, and to keep me a litle more accountable, when all the readers of blogger can see it too!


   Yesturday, I binged and purged. I know, I know I suck. But it usually only happens about once a month. I was feeling so peckish. And there was icecream. And I hadnt felt the feeling of fullness in so long. *sigh* Well the good news is, is that even afer yesturday's madness, I only went up .2 ounces. Let me tell you, nothing quiet knocks you out, like an intense purging session. I slept so well, because I was exhausted. I dont plan on doing it again soon either. Old habits, they die hard.

   As for the platau, that I seem to be maintaining. I have a plan. I really appreciated your comments on my last post. They were so useful, Im glad I made that post otherwise, I would still be very anxious...!

   I think what I've been doing wrong is, going over my calories, and not realizing it. Or eating too much at 1 meal, then slowing down my metablism, by starving the resting of the day. So I will just have to be more strict. And make sure to increase my activity level.

   I know what must be done. Now lets do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! p.s thats not me, but I wouldnt mind lookin like that..


Sunday, July 10, 2011

plateauing at 134-135 ish :(

The title of the post say's it all.

In the begining, the weght come's off like it's nothing, without hardly any effort.

Thus, I have concluded, that I'm going to have to start starving myself, if I want to continue seeing any sort of results....

But then I remind myself of all those tips and tricks, and exercise's there are to be utilized. And it's not really starving. It's taking control. Of your body, of your life. I hope...

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Morning Update: 134.6 ! :D

I hope that most, if not all of the weight I'm losing is fat, and not muscle.

Gonna do some weight training, along with the cardio today, just to ease this worry...

Today, I didnt want to put my clothes back on, after weighing myself, I just felt so sexy, in my black panty's and bra. I felt I looked good. I liked what I saw. Flat stomach, sligtly less jiggiling thighs and shoulders. Weird....

Indeed XD

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


Whoo, I'm down 4 ounces...:P

I'm eating perfectly fine, but I always start to get super hungry in the evenings. I am right now. Maybe I'll have some more chai tea. Yes. Yes, I will.

So, I randomly purchased pure green tea, because I had read somewhere that it helps in weight loss. I dont know if it does or not, but I feel I've waisted my money, cuz I really dont like the taste...blegghh...

And I finally figured out to measure my vital statistics correctly, and if I have done them right, they are a very ginormous: 35-bust, 27-waist, and 41-thighs. Which also means that I have a Waist to hip ratio , or (WHR) of about 0.6, which is considered ideal, and most attractive to men. Wowza...I do have some thunder thighs ...Look the term up (Waist to hip ratio and attractiveness), I found it all very interesting.

Nothing else is new, except that I'm loving how it's FINALLY warming up some over here temprature wise..!

"That 'Someday', is not faraway, I daresay..."
So I have about 8-10 pounds until, I've reached my goal. I swear the last few pounds always are the hardest, and where I've screwed my own progress up in the past. This time, I dont want history to repeat itself. I want to cross this sort made-up "finish line"  I have in my head. Of me, getting to the 120's. And more importantly, staying there.

That's all for now. Hope you all have wonderful, day's or night's, depending...:D