Thursday, July 14, 2011

133.4 Plateau busted...

   I've blasted through that plateau. It took an hours worth of excercise after dinner, and all your lovely comments to get past it. And I did....When I told my fiance, I woke up late because I was exhausted from my workout, he told me not to workout, and that I'm weak. Exactly. I'm weak. But not in the way he thinks. I want to be stronger. Thru control.

   So, i've also just realized, that I'm at 133.4 pounds, I am 2 pounds aways from my lowest weight. Dont get me wrong, I am extremly happy. Even my dad has noticed the weight loss. I have now lost 18 pounds, since February. Slowly, but steadily. About 6 pounds, until I'll feel anywhere close to "bride-worthy".

   One thing I've learned, through-out my struggles as a binge-eater, then binge/purger, is that no amount of whining or crying will get you anywhere. I cried a lot. I could have swallowed that whole bottle of pills that one day, when I had given up on myself. I could have. I struggled a lot since then. Always fighting with myself. Fighting with my family, with the fiance (believe me, these fights were epic). Until, I read somewhere that in order to really permanantly change anything about us. In order to get thinner, We must love ourselves as we are now, or how will we ever love ourselves, when we are thinner?

   I can now say, that I stopped reaching for those pills. I stopped fighting with everyone including myself. Instead, I decided to love that clinically over weight 151 pound girl that february month. If I hadn't, I dont think I would have able to see 133.4 and normal on the scale this morning.

But even though I may love myself. I think I'll love myself a lot more, when I'm good enough. By that I mean "thin-enough, bony enough, etc".

Take Care ladies, Lotx of luuuuuuuuuuurrrrvvvvvveeeeee (love). <3


  1. You are so right! I think it's a lot easier to love myself now when I've lost some.. When I look in the mirror I dont feel disgusted anymore, it's more of a "body under construction" feeling.

  2. "We must love ourselves as we are now, or how will we ever love ourselves, when we are thinner?"


    One of the nasty little worm-thoughts behind my binges is that I don't DESERVE to lose weight. That I don't deserve to be a pretty slim piglet, only a horrible tubby one. Gah!

    Gonna go fight with my brain a bit :)

    Also: Putting designated rest days in your workout schedule DOES NOT make you a weak person. It gives your body a chance to consolidate your 'gains' as it were :3


  3. Your so right, I'm trying to find that inner love, but its so much harder than you'd think. That quote rings true in so many ways. xx

  4. I'm not sure about the inner love thing... I restrict not because I love my body but I hate it!

  5. You are good enough. Being thinner may give you a kick and temporary sense of achievement, but utlimately not happiness. Not on it's own anyway.

    Remember that you can love yourself whilst getting thin, and you'll be happier in the long run x