Sunday, March 20, 2011


As of late, I've been more jealouse then usual. Of girls who happen to be thinner and/or prettier than me. Tell me why, I just feel so angry when I see them? No, not angry. More like frustration. So much frustration, I'm letting it get to me, grrr... Yestuday I b/ped (tottally not planned, cause I'd been doing so well, I thought one binge woud be ok. But then I woke up the next morning, I hadnt gained a pound, but there was no decent food in the house. 

So we went food shopping. Saw, an eviously skinny chick with the most gorgouse chocolaty brown hair , (im not lesbian, but she was really pretty). And then immediatly started comparing her to me. She was the same height as me, but a good 25 pounds or so lighter..grrr lol...

And then, and I dont why i do this either, but I start to wonder if their so many girls better looking than me out there, my boyfreind might regret marrying me this coming august...Im scared you guys.

The pressure is too much.

After food shopping, I b/ped again. But didnt manage to purge up as much last nights, that happens. I dont care, I plan on fasting tomorow and working this frustraion off. Im also going to post, everyday, to allow me to keep track of how many days i'v gone without binging! So tomarow will be day one, and so on.

To end on a good note, my boyfreind did happen to tell me once that: "whether you believe it or not. There’s billion’s of pretty girls out there. But I only want you...."

And that is why I'm lucky.

But still, this is for my self!!! This is for skinny jeans, bikini's and bones, For enviouse glances, twords meeeeeeeee!!!!...Stay strong people!!!! <3


  1. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with comparing yourself. It's really hard to feel like attractive than someone else. I'm just starting to learn to accept that I am the way I look and I'm not going to change that just because someone else looks a different way.
    Hope you can get through this :)

  2. Hi m'dear,

    Sorry I haven't been commenting so much lately, it's been mad crazy over here!

    Now you listen up, however you feel about your outside appearence, you are obviously a beautiful girl on the inside. And your boyfriend/fiance can see that. So stop punishing yourself with the binge/purge sessions, because you're worth more.

    I'm here for you every step of the way - you can do this!

    Love lots, Hazel. <3