Friday, January 15, 2010

Hey, im back :)

Today I fasted. I dont remember it being this hard! Maybe it's because along with not eating all day, I killed my self at the gym. Going to pass out on the pillow now, but before I do..

This one day fast will hopefully break my recent binge-purge cycle, before it gets to seriouse, you know what I mean?

And also Im having irregular periods. Like it'll come for 2 days. Leave for one then come back for 2 or more days. Web MD claims this can occur due to bulimia, overexercise and stress. Check, check and

I hate how my little sister can eat so much and not gain any wieght. And here I am, struggling so much.

I have absolutly hated these past 2 weeks or so, of control-less eating. I'm obviously bulimic, because I restrict my diet. And not dieting is the only way to stop the binge purge cycle, (or so I've read).

But you know what? I guess I dont remember how to eat anymore. I cant be normal and do that, "just stop eating when your full, eat only when your hungry" jazz. I dont know how to eat, with out counting every single calorie, stressing, measuring, etc, etc.

You bloggers out there understand this, I'm sure. All we want is perfection. Is it too much to ask?
Bye for now, and remember YOU ARE STRONGER THAN FOOD!!!!


  1. i hear you. eating has gotten so complicated it's weird to see other people eating whatever&staying tiny. super jealous. stay strong, lovely. you can do this.


  2. hey
    no perfection is not to much to ask.
    I know what you mean that you cant stop when you are full. when i eat i eat too uch and when i dont then i dont. i cant eat like a normal person any more.

    stary strong and i hope you get out of your cycle.


  3. It's so true, so many of my friends don't worry or think about what they eat at all. They don't even go to the gym. This baffles me and pisses me off too, haha.

    Oh well at least we're doing what we need to do. Stay strong! hugs


  4. yeah, i have a huge problem with eating everything in site when im given the chance. even if im so full that i feel i might burst i still feel like id just better finish an entire pizza in one sitting since i wont be able to eat left overs lol.and after every one of those instances i tell myself i wont go home and calculate the calories and yet here i am, on, tallying up my food sins.
    hang in there. were all here for you. :)


  5. my friends seem to be the same as your sister - they eat and eat and drink cocktails and beer as if it were water... and still they all smaller than me. wtf? makes no sense and is most irritating, but maybe it'll catch up with them in later years...

  6. Oh my sister is the same! She eats EVERYTHING in sight and she is tiny. SO unfair. Stay strong! You will get there!

  7. to me it feels like everyone is like that.
    A McDonald is very near my street, and everywhere i go, i have to go by the Mc.
    It is so fucking hilarious to see so many skinny people stuffing food in their stomachs and still be like so thin.
    I get happier thinking: Hey maybe the are just like me, and they are slipping up and binging:D:D:D
    yeah i know, just fooling myself:))
    Myself & all the other bloggers are here for you:*

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  9. I used to think i could eat loads without gaining weight. That was before I noticed how FAT i am, and how much i have to stop eating!
    I understand what you mean, by not knowing how to eat anymore. I can't do it either, and i don't think i could ever go back to the way i used to eat.
    Bulimia is not good, honey, but yes, purging is one of the ways to thin! Unforunately, i can't purge except on the odd occasion, because my mum would notice, so i just binge and hate myself :(
    Well done for the fast! Now you're past this, i'm sure you can do it!
    Stay strong :)

  10. I too have no idea how to eat normally. I am right there with you. It seems like it is all or nothing. So I choose nothing :) Good luck, sweetie!!


  11. I know exactly how you feel. I've been bulimic for years, and whenever you eat it's like you just can't stop even though your stomach is obviously swelling.
    You'll reach your goal girl. Just put down the fork and start that fast!!

    Ciao, Fiona.

  12. Stay strong, strong, strong!!
    The weakness yoou get from fasting is SO much better than the horrible bloated feeling after food or the sore throat after a purge, wouldn't you agree? :]