Thursday, July 1, 2010

a reason to be

Im sorry to myself, for breaking all those promises and not even trying before givng up, each and every time.

Im sorry, mind , body and soul, for putting you thruogh this.

I just thought I could push a button, and all the pain would dissapear. Guess I was wrong. It will follow me everywhere I go.

Im not going to cosume anymore for the rest of the day. Going torture myself with buttloads of water and exercise instead. Going to run to the store and buy laxies. (I threw my other bottle away, because I thought I wouldnt need it anymore, guess I was wrong). Then I'll start over brand new tomarow.

I was always wrong. I have to listen to "her" voice. My own voice fattens me up and only brings pain and guilt, because I think I deserve it. "She", thinks there's still something left to save, as long I do as she says.
I get it now. I don't want to live in the first place. Might as well try to make the most of it and make "her" happy. When "she's" happy, Im happy. The world is happy. And things are better.
Better than they are now.


  1. lately ive just become so fed up with all the drama that ana causes in my life. i would love to just be done with it all. but of course i would end up turning to mia more than ever or i would end up fat (again) and alone. sometimes it seems worth it but at night, right before i go to bed hungry, its the worst thing in the world.
    stay strong
    p.s. thankyou for wonderful comment on my blog. you were one of my first favorite blogs :P

  2. I'm sorry sweetie. Tomorrow can only get better, right? xoxo