Broken Girl

I must be broken, there's no other explaination,
send me back to where i came from
i eat everyone's food, then go looking for more
Because i like to feel the pain,
I like the self-harm and torture
I think I deserve it.

Food will no longer be my drug of choice.

I've had enough of this, binging, purging, restrictig. Im done.

I found a great webcite recently, on it, were recoverer's of bulimia. They talked about how they werent always bulimics, they restrcited (were anorexics before), mia took them.

Im going to try something they call structured eating. You eat 3 well balanced meals and 1 or two snacks, and exercise a healthy amount. In other words--I want to (gasp) recover. Today I heard my own brother say, while trying on a three-piece tuxedo that "he'd lose weight", in order to keep fitting into it. After my mom had told him he's going to get larger as he grows. Coming from my brother, this really disturbed me. I want to be a good role model to them. Im older than them. I'm want to have kids someday, I dont want them to go thru anything close to what Im going thru, (im tearing up as i write this :P) My boyfreind looks at me somedays, and doesnt know what to do. He just distances himself, but never forgets to tell me that he loves me. My parents look at me and wonder where their smart, feisty chubby little girl went.

She broke.

I'll do this. Because I dont want to be a broken girl for the rest of my life. The high I used to get from starving myself, seems like it was so long ago. So why am I still grasping at nothing, trying to find it again? I know I might even lose some followers because of this decision of mine. Im not going anti ana or mia either. I'm still that weight/food obsessed chick i always was, but today and from now on, I hope to fix myself.

The sun hasnt even come up, where I live. It usually does by this time of year.

love, raz <3