Never Enough

Never smart enough,
never good enough,
never pretty enough,
never lovable enough,
never bones enough,

to have kept you.....

Hey everyone!

Guess who's back? Bwahahahaha...its me....Razzo Spazzo ...aka Raz...

So why have I been gone so long when I had said i'd be back for good?
Because thats what I tend to do. Leave things half finished.

But I am NOT going to live the rest of my life fat. Im not going to settle for a blog, that I left behind, like a forgotten dream. This dream of thin.

The weight that I had gained over the summer (because of my break-down regarding a certain job loss), Im slowly losing, (im already back down on the path of skinny again.) With a totally better job.

Because I dont want to be the fat one anymore. (I HAVE NO REGRETS, I KNOW IM A FATTASS< BUT ISNT THAT WHY WE ARE ALL HERE TO CHANGE? SUPPORT ME AND I'LL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU GUYS.) :)

Weight Goals! (From Feb-July)



Starting weight:150


Currently: 146 ew ew ew i know :'(


Weight lost so far: 4 pounds


Need to lose (in total): 23 pounds! 


More pounds to go: 19

 1st: 145
2nd: 141
3rd: 137
4rth:133
5th: 129
6th: 125


Ending Weight
***Keep your weight at 125-129  …*** (i mite go lower, we'll c, i've never been in 120's since 5th grade or so. And im big boned so the weight loss does tend to make me look too gaunt/ freaks my parents out, seriously not making this up, i'll post a pic of my clavicles sometime, there huge!...)




So what has happened today? Ummm...too many cheese puffs. Other than that, i really cant remember the last i've binged and im really happy about that! I have a strong urge to purge, but i drank a butt load of water to get rid of that feeling. Have you guys ever noticed that initially drinkng a lot of warm water to the point of feeling full makes you feel super fat because it enlarges your belly?. But after its all gone (ie peed away), you feel even hungrier than before. Well before that happens im going to hit the bed.

You see, this times going to be different. This time I know my body more, understand it, and what I need to lose weight. And this blog is one of them, so thanks guys! Before and After pix will come after i've acheived these goals. This is it you guys. It's now or never.

P.S Oh, yeah did I mention im getting married in october? because the boy purposed :)...gotta getta skinny, gotta get skinny. Im going to be the most beautifull bride anyone's ever seen...hehehe...

Scary dreams that might become reality

In it, nobody wanted to go out wih me, because they said i was too fat. :(

If thats not scary enough to scare you out of fatdom, i dont know what is.

On a side note. Its winter here, and maybe thats why im feeling kind sad. It could also be because of the break-up. Itproably is. Before I used to numb the saddness with food, but thats kinda dumb sooo. Im taking a multi-vitaminwith lots of vitamin D, because it's supposed to help with things like seasonal deppresion. Im feeling just so melancholy...guess its just that time of year.

Downtown Seattle in the evenings, around this time of year is so beauifull.  Still have got some christmas shopping left to do! eeps....:P

So far so good. I've been following the old plan, i used to follow when i was seriouse about shedding pounds. But I'm too scared to weight myself. All in due time.

A lot of you guys are getting sick i've noticed. Take care of yourselves guys!
And thank Zette and Astone....:D

I want to know happiness again...

I need this blog now more than ever.

I have BALOONED. Thanks, to breaking up and making up with my stupid boyfreind. Depression. Sadness. Plus a good frend of mine allmost convinced me to get a doctors help. But our family's insurance doesnt start until January, and I dont think I could even do that. Tell the doctor I mean. I dont want to be the broken bulimic daughter, or a freakin loony.

I want perfection. I have to get better in order to achieve my dreams. And by better i mean thinner ...


But as we all know, we cant change the past.


We can only change the here and now.


And that is what  am going to do.

CHANGEEEEEE!!!!! New years is coming up again. This is my headstart week to get back into the thin game. Thinness doesnt make you cry, or break your heart, like some stupid boyfreinds do. 

I love you ana, and blog, and folowers. This time i really am back...


**you can never be too thin or too rich

We'll make the night last forever...

Hey everyone. Wow, I finally got an oppurtunity to post! Yay..Day off finally, anyblue...I am sooo happy! Wanna know Y? It's because:

1.) Broke it off with jerko boyfreind
2.) Am single , oh yeaaah!
3.) My new job at the bakery is awesome! (Dont worry, i hardly ever have to eat anything from there.!)
4.)It's snowing n seattle!!! And the city looks gorgeouse!
5.) It's going to be black friday soon and this year were going to do lots of stocking up for our trip to india.(im indian :P).. So shopping, shoppin, shoppin here i come!!
6.) I havent binged for the longest time. I'll weigh myself tomarow.

I just feel peacefull. Reading your blogs, and the buzz of the season, is really helping me out. It's when i start feeling sad, depressed and hopless, that i start binging...Ok from now on , im not even gonna say the B-word (aka binging)...I mean, you know from now on in my posts!

Postive energy Postive energy Postive energy to you all, and lower pounds and im off to comment on all you lovely lady's now! MWAH

Back to where it all began

So Im back, to my original blog...And I promise I'm here to stay, I dont know why I never felt like posting on my other new one...

Oh well, a little recap for you all. I AM FATTER THAN EVER!!!! I have balooned (about 5 pound lol, but itstill feels like to much, FAIL). Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe. But somehow I'm still persevering through all the crap I've been through since about the month of June, (when I quit my annoying job). And learned that my boyfreind isnt who I really thought he was.

Now, Im working part time at a job I adore, and am dating a much more promising hunk...;)
My desire's to end it all with a few chugs of bleach have all but gone...
I've put a lot in god's hands.
Told a mentor about my Bulimia (more like ednos)...

But I still need this blog THIS BLOG, not the other one. I missed YOU guys.

I still want to be the best I can be. As thin as I can be. From now on, I will strive for perfection. If I dont attain it, I'll atleast be a little bit better than mediocre....

Lets make our dreams come true, once and for all! :D <3
Time to catch up on your lovely blogs, i missed em!

Heyyy loverrrrsssss

I thot it was tim for a new change. I went thru a lot of shit, and so i have a new blog. It's a little different. A little bit more honest. A little less coo koo, and more focused. In the middle of a disorder ,not quiet out, but not all the way in too deep either. But please dont judge me, and I wont judge you. Please follow my new blog. Or i'll follow yours. wud love the support.

 Mwah...To new begginings..

http://girlsnotbroken.blogspot.com/