We'll make the night last forever...

Hey everyone. Wow, I finally got an oppurtunity to post! Yay..Day off finally, anyblue...I am sooo happy! Wanna know Y? It's because:

1.) Broke it off with jerko boyfreind
2.) Am single , oh yeaaah!
3.) My new job at the bakery is awesome! (Dont worry, i hardly ever have to eat anything from there.!)
4.)It's snowing n seattle!!! And the city looks gorgeouse!
5.) It's going to be black friday soon and this year were going to do lots of stocking up for our trip to india.(im indian :P).. So shopping, shoppin, shoppin here i come!!
6.) I havent binged for the longest time. I'll weigh myself tomarow.

I just feel peacefull. Reading your blogs, and the buzz of the season, is really helping me out. It's when i start feeling sad, depressed and hopless, that i start binging...Ok from now on , im not even gonna say the B-word (aka binging)...I mean, you know from now on in my posts!

Postive energy Postive energy Postive energy to you all, and lower pounds and im off to comment on all you lovely lady's now! MWAH

Back to where it all began

So Im back, to my original blog...And I promise I'm here to stay, I dont know why I never felt like posting on my other new one...

Oh well, a little recap for you all. I AM FATTER THAN EVER!!!! I have balooned (about 5 pound lol, but itstill feels like to much, FAIL). Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe. But somehow I'm still persevering through all the crap I've been through since about the month of June, (when I quit my annoying job). And learned that my boyfreind isnt who I really thought he was.

Now, Im working part time at a job I adore, and am dating a much more promising hunk...;)
My desire's to end it all with a few chugs of bleach have all but gone...
I've put a lot in god's hands.
Told a mentor about my Bulimia (more like ednos)...

But I still need this blog THIS BLOG, not the other one. I missed YOU guys.

I still want to be the best I can be. As thin as I can be. From now on, I will strive for perfection. If I dont attain it, I'll atleast be a little bit better than mediocre....

Lets make our dreams come true, once and for all! :D <3
Time to catch up on your lovely blogs, i missed em!

Heyyy loverrrrsssss

I thot it was tim for a new change. I went thru a lot of shit, and so i have a new blog. It's a little different. A little bit more honest. A little less coo koo, and more focused. In the middle of a disorder ,not quiet out, but not all the way in too deep either. But please dont judge me, and I wont judge you. Please follow my new blog. Or i'll follow yours. wud love the support.

 Mwah...To new begginings..

http://girlsnotbroken.blogspot.com/

Ew

Hey guys! Im back, and i missed you all bunches. I cant seem to do anything right with out blogging you know what i mean? The past month or so hasjust been like : oh look im losing weight, and doing fine not binging for maybe 1 week at a time,before I screw up all that effort in one b/p session.

It's frustrating to say the least. I f-ing hate my self right now I hate the side effects that come with losing weight. But I am still all the more determined. I am super dissapointed in myself for letting you all down as of late, so i wont tell you my current weight. Buuuuut, I will tell you that I have a fool proof plan now and i will STICK TO IT!!! I have written down on my calendar precicely how much wieght i will lose every week And when I should be getting to my goal weights.

I could just continue to stuff my face from today onwards and feel sorry for myself, but I wont do that. Failure is easy, Sucsess is hard. (and spell lol). So yeah, that will my motto, y not? :D

Thanks for sticking around you guys. For a lot of you it's been a while, but at the same time when I read the newer blogs, im like wow. I remember when i had that much hope and inspiration to become thin. I want it back so bad, i cant even explain!!!!
mwaaaahh--raz

The ________

I wanted the title of this post to be something like "The begining", "the promise" or "the vow. " But I've said all things so many times before, theyre begining to lose meaning. Repetitve.

What I want to say is just this: I wont worry aboutthe end result anymore, of my weight goals. But I will do what I have to do, to make sure I am never as heavy as I am now, EVER AGAIN....

That is all. See you on the skinny side, it will take a while, but I will just have to be patient.

<3 good luck to you all's as well :)

Nothing can kill this

"if it easier to die than to live, doesnt it make sense to kill yourself everyday by staying alive?"- just a random thought, I wanted to share

It is self harm in itself sometimes to live, despite so much pain, and bullshit that might be goingon in our lives. My painkillers include, this blog/you guys, my little sister, freinds and a lover, and music and poetry. Although these things only temporarily ease the pain, they are enough. They are the reasons I exist.( Not that I would de without this blog or anything, but you know what i mean.) It's justone of the things that keep me going. And in a way seeing a minor success like on the scale, also helps a little, doesnt it? hmmm...

Well lately i've been losing instead of gaining, so thats a plus. Now I'm just off to read your blogs and chillax...:D

P.S- A phlebotomist is basically a lab assistant/blood and other specimen taker who works in hospitals, blood banks, clinics and the like. XD...was so surprised you didnt know, (peri lol).. But maybe they have another word for it where your from maybe...

<3

Back to normal(ish)..

I have tons of GOOD news to share! First of all to all my 200 followers a biiiiigggggg huuuuuugg!!! Its not about the number of follwers really, that impresses me, but how supportive and non-judgemental you all are! Like angels :))). Okay, enough with the sappy bussiness..lol.

Secondly, I have stopped binging!!! I love it! Im not going to sleep friggin dusgusted with myself and overwhelmed with guilt anymore, its lovely. It was just a sort attitude adjustment that I had to make, you know. From , "oh woe is me, I'll never be thin/good enough", to "I've done it before, and I'll do it again, I refuse to be the fat one an longer!". So yah, it's been about 3-4 days binge free!

And, I've decided on becoming a phlebotomist, you guys! I know its not that much of a career choice, but I think that atleast it's something. I could alwaysin the future, work my self up from there. I am going to be paying for my schooling out of my own pocket! Even if my parents offered to pay, I wouldnt want them to.

Because if I become something, that I thought up myself, and actually make a good decent life for myself, I want to be able to say tomarow, that: "yes, this was my own decision, and mine alone, I helped pick myself off the ground and supported myself". Basically, it will be a declaration of my own independence, and so that they can finally see that I DONT NEED THEM!!!. Sure I love them and all , but I cant stand their having so much power over me. I can make my own decisions, and I've decided. Wish me luck guys!!! :D

Back on-topic though, I've been really slacking on the exercise >_< Muscle stretches, and simple calisthetics, tennis yesturday afternoon, but not, you know A REAL GOOD SWEAT INDUCING WORKOUT!!!. Maybe getting off blogger for awhile would help, hmmmm? lol

Okay guys, I love you and your all sweet words!!! bye for now,
Lets get sexxxyy! ;) ...