Thursday, December 17, 2009

Not giving up...

Past few days have been spent in a rush of mood swings, binging, purging, fasting, hating my self everything that comes along with having an e.d... FUCK ME.

My wieght has gone up. 140.2 as of this morning. I hate my self. Mia, I thot I told you to go away. 

And so, today I am going to try again. To gain some control. Find it. It's there somewhere.

Im just so sad. Hopeless. I love you all. You dont even know me, but you all are so supportive. There's no hope. I find myself just breathing. I guess the reason I've been sabotoging myself lately, is so that I could feel something. Anything. Even if it meant guilt. I wanted to numb myself.

I wont give up, I will keep trying. Hope is slipping though. I am grasping, fighting for the control.

Stay Strong, (i will try to as well)...


  1. Here for you!!!
    Don't give up, just get in the right mindset =)


  2. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with that... I know you can do it, though, just dig in and struggle through.

    <3 Ginger

  3. I know exactly how you feel. These last few days I have been going crazy for seemingly no reason! We'll get through this and lose even more weight after this horrible episode is gone.


  4. I hate that numb feeling.. but sometimes its better than anything else? Hope u find ur way again <33 -Gabie-

  5. your blog is eerily familiar to me, too! funny how that works! and we have similar stats [5'4ish, around 135 - 140 right now...]

    there is always hope. i promise. i get so down and depressed some days. but i always get through it, so i know it's not worth giving up. if i can get through it once, i can do it again.
    i'm glad you're not giving up either.
    take care.

  6. Thank you for your comment... I wish it would happen overnight, but I know it won't. I just get so frustrated.

    I'm always here for you, I hope you're okay lovely. You are strong, and you will regain your control.