I feel more disgusted, fat, and more of failure now, (at 136-sh pounds), than I did when I was 10 pounds heavier. When I was binging-purging a few days before, I was asking myself at the time, why I was undoing all my hard work, and letting it all go to waste. My excuse: Im depressed. I thought; "to hell with it, it's not like Im a model or actress or someone who has to be perfect all the time. To hell with it, it's not like anyone cares or gives a damn.."
But I've discovered since then, that that isnt true. Someone does care. Some people do care. The people reading this blog care. I dont know who they are, but I can relate to them, and know that I am not alone. I could take the easy way out, become fat, and stop caring about what I look like. I might as well just die, because then I'd have become even more deppressed.
No. No, I've found that I have to live. For something. I cant tell you what it is yet. But I just know that I have to keep going. And better to live Pro-ana and striving for perfection, than as a sad fatso..am i right?...
P.S: Have a new e-mail, just for this blog: firstname.lastname@example.org, would love to hear from you, add me?
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