Wednesday, November 18, 2009


See that number up there? That's how much I weigh now!!! Yay!! During my evil bulimia spell last year, when I kept gaining and gaining, I never thought I would be able to see the 130's again! And now, 125 (my first goal weight), is only 12 pounds away! I will do this! I have too! Its a challenge to my self, to prove to myself, of how strong I can really be.

I am 137.8, and on my period. wow... When I read some other blogs, i am amazed at how thin some of you really are. I'm not gonna lie, I look up to you girls. You guys helped me to stop the binge-purge cycle, (eviiiiiiiil).

So, I think its time I actually disclosed my hieght. I am the average 137.8 pounds and 5ft 4 inch. **gasp**, thats not nearly skinny enough, and I realize this. My b.m.i is 23.5. Yap, thats me, hate me or love me. Either way, this is only the begining I assure you, of the transformation of fat, boring me, into the sex bomb she really is. I also feel thats its a good thing that I am starting to feel fatter, the more wieght I lose. It's a good thing.

Also boyfreind took off his shirt. ;( , damn him, he is so thin. He said I look good too, but I dont see it. Oh, and he said he meant to say that he weighs 141 pounds. So what? He's taller than me, and looks like a string bean. When we go out, we look like beauty and the beast, and no I am not the beauty. hehe. Am I weird for thinking like this, but I kind of want to break up with him for awhile, untill I find a job, and actually reach 125, so that I feel more comfortable with him and myself? Am I a weirdo or what? I just think that he deserves better... How can I love someone, when I cant even love myself...?

Stay Strong everyone, love you guys!!!! xxxooo


  1. I know what you mean about the boyfriend thing, I'd feel uncomfortable if I was going out with someone I thought was thinner than me, but you'll reach your goal soon enough!

  2. Ugh. I wish all the time that I could just put my relationship on pause while I figure shit out. I just don't think that would go over very well... ;P Plus, I'd miss him!
    You're doing great! Keep up the good work! I'm still at a monstrous 188 lbs, and you are such an inspiration to me!

  3. No, your not weird at all for thinking that! I just broke up with my bf, and he´s really skinny. I hate it! I mean people would joke about me breaking his bones when I sat on his lap. It felt awful. I have NEVER let him touch my stomach. The guys are suppose to be bigger than us, and it suck the other way around.

    Anyway, I´m glad your doing so well and are so close to your first goal. And i think everyone should be proud of you that your doing better with your bulimia. I gained a lot of weight from it to.

    Good luck sweety, I hope you make it! Lots of Love.

    Peace Out<3

  4. Hey! I LOVE your blog. It is SO real.

    I love that u can be so straight up!

    I am GOING to start following you. and...thanks for the comment!