Yah,so on the first day that I made my declaration of no posty posty untill im at 139, I had the headache to end all headaches. And I told my mom while I was driving, and she told me it was because I dont eat anything. Fuck You. I just really dislike my mom. But it waaas kind of wierd : I had a headache, i was starving and it felt like someone was trying to pull my eyeballs back into my sockets. Scary, while driving my eyes even wanted to shut soo bad. Urghh. This not eating thing is not that bad. Im doing fine, but its that same cliche line I guess that I have to remember : Stay Strong...
And yesturday while I was starving my fat ass, I realised how under-rated this feeling of omplete emptyness is. It's amazing!!! And after looking at some thinspo and reading your blogs I made up this little poem. I am a (very) amatuer poet, hehe so sorry if it's cheezy beyond your limits. Here it go's: (by the way, I wrote all this just as I went along)...
I've said I've wanted to die,
So many times before
Then why am I still here?
I've tried and tried to cry
but the tears dont seem to want to come anymore.
Let's not eat today
and worry about, fat calories and carbs.
But lets get lost in each other,
the night, the muzic and hearts.
Hearts that seem to beat a little too fast
in tune to the music
Is it dehydration? Or the fact that theres nothing inside?
Is it love thats pounding in my head? Or music?
Cant seem to tell anymore.
I wish only for silence.
So that maybe you will hear the raindrops falling in the sky.
I wish to hear Ana tonight.
To love her and her only.
Somehow I know that if I love her
she wont ever let me down.
I've heard enough, seen enough, know enough allready.
That the world cannot be trusted.
Innocent you think I am.
You were right.
Too innocent I still am.
People ask: why do you want to die?
I as in return: what is there to live for?
Too many thoughts, suspicions and fakeness.
Everywhere you turn.
Let me walk forever now
untill I cant walk anymore
untill I can find, some kind of truth.
lets fall forever now, into the arms of Ana.
let me drown.
Let there be silence.
Holiday foods are bieng made in the kitchen right now. Crap.
C U soon lovelies!!! =)