So I purged last night for the first time in about a month. I know Im not cured in any way, last nights incident proves this. I just try my hardest to do it as less as possible.
WHAT COMES OVER US????????????????????????????
Like seriously. I had planned everything out. I even read rains and felicity's awesome helpfull comments.. It was all planned out and ready to be executed. But it didnt happen. Something snapped and I was swept backwards into my cravings.
Conflicting thoughts going thru my head:
"If you stop now, there might not be that much damage!",
"Keep going, your body is craving these things, you can purge it out later.."
"Eat you fatso, then dont purge, that will teach you"
"If only you werent so obsessed about all of this, you would'nt be in this mess"
--"But then maybe I wouldnt be as skinny as I am now..."
All of these thoughts. Probably more and all the mean while, I am trying to shut them up with food.
And so I did. It hurt. I always eat some spicy stuff, (I never learn, lol). People started knocking on the bathroom door at one point. I didnt care, this was more important...
It happens. Life happens. Its nice to get it out on this blog. To reflect.
Thank goodness, I didnt gain (yet). And even if I did, it's OKAY. I have enough strength I think to dust myself off, and try again. Only 14 pounds are standing in the way... :) Just a bump in the road. One day-one slip up...
I had a dream that someone was telling me they think I 'm getting fatter. That is inspiration enough for me to do better... :)
Stay Strong = stay sexy.. ;)