Monday, October 19, 2009

Ow, Ow, Ow

So lately I've been feeling soooo tired. I have the will power to not eat, but I also am having to push myself to get up in the morning on an empty stomach. Push myself to to pretend like I have energy. I think maybe I shoudnt exercise? Because that's what I did, and now you can find me walking around all tired like and stumbly.

I know It may sound weird but its like: I know I can not eat, but now Im worried about how Im going to be able to work like this, when (if) I get the job, that I have an interview for on thursday, (wish me luck!), like will they take one look at me and say, "nope, this girl does not look like she would be up for physical needs of this job"? Hmmm...

I want to be thin, "waif -like". But I also need to be strong for a job that might be physically demanding, is what Im trying to say. Any advice guys?

I really cant beleive I can not remember the last time I purged! After reaching the 130's this week, Im positive I am not going back there again. It just doesnt work. (I still do it tho if I eat too much, I just dont BINGE and purge. You know, if I accidently eat more than Im comfortable with , then I do it. The thought of binging scares me. I want to stay in control.

On another possitive note, I heard my mother complaing last night about her wieght, and how her co-workers noticed she gained over her vacation. That's what she gets for all the taunts and teasing I used to endure when I was younger.. HAHAHA. But anyway, I do find myself becoming more respectfull of our 'fat/overweight' freinds. It easier said than done to be thin. The world has to run with all types of body shapes and sizes. I really am cool with that, even though I myself am so insecure. That's just me then. Messed up in the head and terrified of calories and jeans that might not fit...

I just dont want to go back there again. I just want 125 or below.

Peace, Love, Ana, muah! I love you guys! I really do, and sorry if I suck at this commenting thing..., I really do appericate your inputs =) (!) xxoo


  1. Hey, don't worry about the whole being small in a physically demanding job. I am in vet school right now, and I am going for large animal medicine. At my smallest, which was 104lbs., I was working on a farm with cattle. It's all about how you present yourself, and I recommend free weights to build up your arm muscles. 5 lbs. weights work really well for me. Builds muscle without bulking up. So, even though I weighed about 7% of a cow's body weight, I could still push them around (as much as you can push around a cow!) and make them do what I wanted them to do. Just show them that you can do this job. Don't make excuses for your size, and do what you know you can do. You'll be great!

  2. i agree, weight training is definitely a great idea. it'll keep you toned and muscles burn calories and fat.

    you're going to kick ass on this interview! best of luck!